Halloween has got to be my favorite day of drunken celebration. Everyone is eating candy, nobody’s eating pumpkins, and thousands of hot young women are dressing to impress not just your eyes, but your loins too. In recent years the sales of, well, sluttier versions of traditional costumes – Dorothy, Fairies, female police officers, zombies, and even nuns – have risen remarkably. In a 2006 New York Times article, Linda M. Scott, author of “Fresh Lipstick: Redressing Fashion and Feminism” was quoted as saying of Halloween, “It’s a night when even a nice girl can dress like a dominatrix and still hold her head up the next morning.” If you’re worried about your girlfriend running around like a tramp and flirting with every single guy that catches a glimpse of her “sexy bumblebee” costume, you’re not alone. But if you’re one of those single guys who is relishing the opportunity to do a fair amount of ogling yourself, please, on behalf of all of us here at Mr. Pink’s, take some snapshots. So, if you see a girl dressed up as the Sexergizer Bunny (complete with tiny drum bearing the slogan, “Keeps going and going and going”) and you don’t take a photo on my behalf, you’re out of the family.

- Mr. Pink

Ah, celebrity sex tapes. It seems as though a new one hits the web every week, with some (Pamela Anderson’s) rating higher on the public interest scale than others (uh, Chyna’s). Hollywood’s latest alleged fuck flick rates moderately high on the public interest scale, but not because of the inherent attractiveness of either of the stars involved. Morbid curiosity and a touch of self-loathing are the culprits behind any interest one may have in the stars of the following (again, alleged!) sex tape: comedians Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel. Celebs Only, a smut site that purports to hold the “world’s largest sex tape archive”, assures members (and potential members) that they’ll be posting the vid as soon as it hits the ‘net – in their words, “Soon you will see the fiery kosher comic Sarah Silverman getting her ripe celebrity pussy fucked by her Hollywood heavyweight boyfriend.” Charming, huh? Blurry screencaps of what may or may not be Kimmel’s back are the only “evidence” used thus far to confirm the existence of the tape in question, so you should obviously take this troubling, troubling news with a grain of salt. I don’t get what the big deal is, though – Sarah Silverman fucks on camera all the time! Oh, wait – that’s Joanna Angel.

- Ms. Pink

Can you believe it’s been almost 20 years since MTV banned Madonna’s artsy-fartsy “Justify My Love” video for being too lewd? Now everything they play is hyper-sexualized – from Shakira and Pussycat Dolls videos to that atrocious Tila Tequila show, 99% of the network’s current content appears to have been programmed by an extremely horny group of guys. Unfortunately, though, you rarely see video vixens sport anything less than a skimpy bathing suit in these clips – whenever a chick actually goes the Full Monty, she’s always obscured by set decorations or bedazzled to the shithouse (Britney Spears and Lady Gaga, I’m looking at you). Surely there must be a few videos out there with un-obscured full frontal nudity, right? What if I told you a music video existed that featured both full-frontal nudity AND hardcore fucking between band members and hot babes? You’d either call me crazy or your new best friend. Well, BFF, dig this – Rammstein’s (German metal band of “Du hast” fame) new video, entitled “Pussy”, features copious amounts of nudity, spanking, S&M, cheerleading, humping, fingering, and – that’s right – penetration. There’s even a few cum shots thrown in at the end for good measure! Don’t believe me? Check it out – just make sure you bring enough lotion and earplugs.

- Mr. Pink

Watch Rammstein’s “Pussy” video here: http://visit-x.net/rammstein

It’s always sad to see your favorite pornstar go soft – when Jenna Jameson removed her breast implants, dyed her hair back to its original mousy brown color and announced her retirement from adult films, fans assumed her next logical step would be motherhood. While it took a couple of years for her to squirt out some tots, she nevertheless stayed boring afterward, keeping her distance from the industry and posting tweets like “Im [sic] loving being a momma! its [sic] seriously the best thing ive [sic] ever done!” If you’ve been praying cumshot queen (and new mother) Eva Angelina wouldn’t follow in Jameson’s footsteps, your prayers have paid off. Eva’s first comeback role, in the ensemble film “Deviance”, featured the delightful Ms. Angelina getting fucked right where she should, in the ass, and her next release will feature much more of the same. Eva is the star of and partakes in D.P., anal and interracial intercourse in “Evalutionary”, which is set to be released by Elegant Angel on September 29th. I previously thought it impossible for Ms. Angelina to get any cooler or more hardcore; turns out I was wrong. She’s definitely proof that motherhood isn’t a death sentence…hear that, Jenna?

- Ms. Pink

Twitter is often used to mind-numbingly banal effect – tweets about what the twitter-er ate the night previously, what strain of weed they’re currently smoking, and how their cat is reacting to its new ear medicine comprise the lion’s share of what’s posted. Every so often, though, you’ll find a gem of a tweet – something that makes plodding through hundreds of posts like “All this garbage that came out today about me is nothing more than an effort to diminish not just me but all women” (posted by Demi Moore, a.k.a. “mrskutcher”) all the more worth it. Adrianne Curry, first winner of “America’s Next Top Model”, creates such tweets. Ms. Curry, like any other reality TV star worth his or her salt, is desperate to please and devoid of self-consciousness. What does that translate to, you ask? Titty pics, of course! Curry’s Twitter is chock full of pics and videos of the delicious Mrs. Peter Brady in all degrees of undress – whether she’s getting topless to show you her GoKarting bruises or, well, just ‘cause, she’s always hot and always inappropriate. Finally, Twitter has reached its full potential of brutality!

- Mr. Pink

Adrienne Curry’s Twitter: http://twitter.com/AdrianneCurry

Pornographers have long been the black sheep of the entertainment industry; while porno is and has been a multi-billion dollar enterprise for decades, few “straight” media conglomerates and entertainers have willingly aligned themselves with smut. The world is changing, though – Blockbuster Video, which bills itself as a “family friendly” chain of movie rental stores, recently put an R-rated version of the porno epic “Pirates 2” on its shelf, and mainstream film fare (“The Brown Bunny”, “Shortbus”, “9 Songs”, et al.) now revels in scenes of hardcore sex. It’s no surprise, then, that Conan O’Brien and the Tonight Show crew recently paid a visit to Vivid Entertainment’s sunny Burbank, CA headquarters. O’Brien, the new host of the Tonight Show, arrived at Vivid HQ under the auspices of meeting his new neighbors, and was shown eating Choco Tacos and having a grand ol’ time with Vivid girls Monique Alexander, Sunny Leone and Meggan Mallone. With this bizarre development, it’s safe to say that porno has officially gone mainstream – if the third-longest running entertainment program in history has no beef with it, who the hell can argue?

- Mr. Pink

Just a few days ago I extolled to you, dear reader, the virtues of Motherfuckus Americanus; more commonly known as the North American MILF. Not only are thousands of middle-aged women rediscovering the joys of healthy commitment-free sexual relationships with younger men, but in less than two weeks the first annual National Single Cougars Convention for Young Men & Older Women will launch in Silicon Valley. The Society of Single Professionals (led by Rich Grosse, 2003 candidate for Governor of California) is putting on the event at Dinah’s Garden Hotel in beautiful Palo Alto and invites any and all interested “cougars” and “cubs” to attend in “dressy” business attire and coat-and-ties, respectively. Even though everyone will be all gussied up and looking quite respectable, let’s hope there are plenty of hookups and exchanges of bodily fluids once the dance floor clears out and “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car” and “Sweet Child o’ Mine” have faded from the P.A. system. If the previews for Courtney Cox’s new show Cougartown are any indication, these ladies are more likely to talk about sex than disappear into Dinah’s Garden Hotel’s koi-filled lagoons for some wet, hot, impetuous pairing up.

- Mr. Pink

Over the past few weeks, keen pop-culture observers have seen a few new celebrities enter the ranks of humiliated stars the public has viewed naked thanks to leaked photos or videos. Eric Dane of Grey’s Anatomy fame and his actress wife, convicted vehicular manslaughterer Rebecca Gayheart, were the subject of a self-shot video in which they swam around completely naked with former Miss Teen USA Kari Anne Peniche and discussed their proposed porn names and how high they all are. (Dane and Gayheart’s lawyers are currently in damage control and intimidation mode.) Also this month, another younger star, both familiar with unwanted exposure, has once again earned a place in the annals of irresponsible use of mobile technology. Vanessa Hudgens – High School Musical star and dumbest teen idol since Britney went into nutso-MILF mode – has once again proven that just because you’re old enough to sign a T-Mobile contract doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Half-a-dozen new cell phone pics – shot by Hudgens herself, MySpace style – were leaked by an anonymous source immediately prior to the release of her new movie Bandslam (which is evidently a complete departure from the role that made her famous). One obvious reason for Hudgens’ once-again exposed breasts, vagina, and oh-so-pouty blowjob lips, is free promotion for her new movie.

It appears these grossly overexposed (and underdressed) teen starlets are well on their way to becoming the next prematurely over-the-hill ex-A-listers with nothing left to offer the voracious masses but their withering bodies, “augmented” with Botox and chemical peels, rendered incapable of feeling any pleasure. When that happens, I pray they can look back on their careers and see that it’s not where you end up that’s most important in show business, it’s the climb.

- Ms. Pink

First things first, I’m not a woman hater – I’m a woman myself. That doesn’t stop me from hating, however, female pornstars who constantly act as if they have something to prove. I know that just because a gal fucks for money, that doesn’t mean she’s worthless in all other areas of life. Most people know that. Then why do “alternative” pornstars always have to shove this fact down our throats? Take Sasha Grey, for example. I understand that she’s slightly more intelligent than your average porn cooze, but does she really have to act so uptight about it? Her brand new “adult studio”, Grey Art Productions, just signed a distribution deal with New Sensations; the studio’s first release, a fuck flick called The Birthday Party, will be released on September 3rd. In regards to Grey Art’s, er, intellectual and artistic philosophy, Grey’s stated, “I’ve really challenged my learning curve over the past few months, and I feel each Grey Art title becomes increasingly definable to my mode, and hopefully my audience will see and enjoy this progression.” Pardon? What kind of pseudo-intellectual hogwash is that? Why can’t Grey just say, “People have enjoyed watching me get ass fucked in the past…hopefully they’ll enjoy it in the future as well”? What’s sexually demeaning about that? I mean, that’s her job…right?

- Ms. Pink

Porn parodies have existed for nearly as long as the medium of filmed fucking. From I Know Who You Did Last Summer to the delightfully bizarre Hannah Does Her Sisters, damn near every film of note that has captured the country’s collective attention for fifteen minutes or more has received the porn treatment. Hell, even reality TV (This Ain’t Hells Kitchen XXX) and classic sitcoms (Everybody Loves Lucy) have been lam-pooned (see how I did that?). But what of entertainment news shows – the ones who follow, in minute detail, the daily existence of Hollywood’s most popular celebutards? The list of satire worthy down-on-their-luck stars featured on these programs is endless – Nicolette Sheridan, the ShamWow dude (y’know, the one who chewed up a prostitute?), Mel Gibson, Amy “Wino” Winehouse…what of those trainwrecks? When are they gonna get their comeuppance, porno-style? The answer is August 25th – that’s when TMSleaze, 3rd Degree’s porn parody of the televised entertainment rag TMZ, is gonna hit shelves. TMSleaze takes the piss out of the above-mentioned stars, as well as Britney Spears, Jennifer Simpson and, uh, Dave Grohl. Finally, a porn parody to rival the topical brilliance of Being in John Malkovich!

- Mr. Pink